I was born in the morning, but it wasn’t this morning…

…is just one more thing that makes me sound like my mother.  When I say things like that I cringe.  I swore I would never become my mother.  Yet, here we are.

My 13 year old son thinks I am pretty clueless.  Admittedly, I am clueless about so much, but being 13 years old and seeing how much I can get away with?  Well, that’s my specialty.

You see, this weekend, I find him walking aimlessly around the house talking to a girl on his phone.  What is this all about?  Then he is talking about going to a friend’s house.  A friend I have never heard of!  Slow down buddy!

Middle school is such a funny time.  Plans are made between these teens with very little parent involvement.  Long are the days of setting up playdates.  Now I find myself sitting in my car, in my pajamas at 11:00 on a Friday night to pick him up hoping he hurries so I can get to bed soon.

He thinks I ask to many questions, nag him all the time, and just plain suck the fun out of his life.

I’m in my forties…now what?!

In my twenties, I was carefree.  Although, as I was living through that decade, I was busy trying to find who my true friends were, dealing with a relationship that was going nowhere, and trying to build a career.  At the time, I didn’t think I was living “carefree”.  Now, it seems that was a simpler time.

In my thirties, I was living life as a mom to two young kids, a wife, and a business owner.  That decade of my life flashed before my eyes.  Diapers, sleepless nights, PTO meetings, school parties, field trips, balancing time with my husband, and building a business filled those years.  These are the years I really wish I could have back.  Just for a moment to not take for granted the precious years of my kids.

So, a few years back I turned forty.  My kids are both in middle school now.  One is on the verge of high school.  When did this happen?  There are no more class parties or field trips.  When volunteering with the PTO, it is all behind the scenes.  I don’t know my kids teachers.  I annoy my kids now.  I’m a taxi service.

Long are the days when I colored my hair for fun.  Now there is a purpose to cover stubborn gray.  The fine lines on my face, and dark circles under my eyes appeared overnight.

I love fashion, but menopause has been cruel and made shopping for clothes a chore.  Not to mention, what is the appropriate dress code for right now?  I’m not young, I’m not old.

I’m just in the middle of now, trying to cluelessly navigate life, middle age and motherhood…